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The Prosecution: Beth

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not all people likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?